Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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