Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
