$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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