I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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