i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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