No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
