Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
