My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
