hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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