Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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