I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we're making bets on your personal life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
