Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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