I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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