Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
