Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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