my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
