stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
