I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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