You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
