new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
