just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
