you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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