Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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