It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
