I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
