I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
