the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
