Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
