I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
