it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
