Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
