FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
