I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
