3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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