OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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