No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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