Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
