Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
