just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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