I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
