I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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