history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
