woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
