So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
