If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
