My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My pussy is not your playground.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
