well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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