he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
