I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
