that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
